You didn’t get it wrong!
What you really need to know when relationships end.
Relationships can be both the most wonderful life experiences and the most challenging.
They are all an education and provide us with profound insight.
As we are currently under the energy of the total full moon lunar eclipse in Virgo as I write this (it’s Sunday 16thMarch 2025) it is a significant time of endings & beginnings.
I am sat here with 8 tarot cards that have guided me to write this blog.
The same message came out twice!
At first, I really didn’t feel like writing a blog and I didn’t feel like writing one based on the topic of relationships and attraction. It’s fair to say, I wasn’t in the zone and logically I wasn’t feeling the sense of direction to go down that road.
However, like most things in my life, I waited for the energy to shift, and it did.
There is an optimal time for all things, our intuition knows this, but because it doesn’t fit with what we are thinking or our ‘logical’ narrative it is often ignored.
We even have a cultural narrative, whereby we need to be productive & achieve all the time to feel good and so intuitive wisdom is put to one side if it doesn’t fit, but in the long run, this makes life more difficult.
Our lower mind loves to argue with our intuition and the negative ego will bounce into the picture like a crazy troll and use its best weapons to keep us believing the false narratives…it might fling in a bunch of ‘should’ based thoughts or a bit of fear about being held back.
The thing about being held back is, like an arrow being drawn, it is building momentum (all in divine timing) so when it is fired at the optimum point of tension, it hits the target with dynamic precision!
So, I waited for my energy to change, it did and here is the blog that I trust someone somewhere needs to read, otherwise I wouldn’t have spent hours writing it lol!
Side note: Intrigued by Tarot and how it can help you through transformation? Check out my upcoming workshop! https://www.trybooking.com/uk/EMOM
Back to these endings and beginnings…many people at this time will be saying goodbye to people (relationships of all kinds; personal or professional) or even parts of themselves at this time (an old version of you that cannot serve your forward motion).
If this is you, you may feel anything from heavy grief to relief or liberation! It can be a rollercoaster emotionally.
It won’t affect everyone in the same way, just know that if it feels particularly oppressive or up and down for you, you are in a time of deep transformation and you will come out of this period stronger than before.
Working with spiritual intelligence and the emotional mastery that comes with that (not to be confused with denial or emotional suppression) has helped me to navigate some of my most challenging experiences in recent years.
We can choose to grow stronger through every situation we experience and that’s really the point. The soul is invested in growth and raising our levels of consciousness.
We do not need to be liked by everyone & we do not need to live for external validation (this drives negative ego & generally ends with unfavourable consequences).
Putting our wellbeing in the hands of others like playing Russian Roulette!
Our wellbeing is not someone else’s responsibility.
In the same way, it is not your responsibility to carry the emotional wellbeing of anyone else. (This is very different to a mutual flow of giving and receiving support).
How do you know when it’s out of balance?
You will FEEL it, there’s no need for justification or logic, you just know when it feels off. If it smells off, it likely is (it’s a sensing and feeling job not a thinking one & that requires trusting yourself 100%)!
The answers are within, we just need to become adept at digging in the subconscious & leaning to love ourselves unconditionally, which is realistically a never-ending journey!
At this time, you may be experiencing a relationship of some sort ending OR a part of yourself that is ready to leave – perhaps the co-dependent or the people pleaser or the inner critic within, or the pattern of doubting yourself is now ready for a good rinsing!
One of those self-sabotaging patterns may have been outstaying its welcome and draining your energy for far too long.
You may even be remembering relationship experiences from the past at this time, or dreaming about people who have been in / are in your life. They are there for a reason.
We are currently in Venus Retrograde and Mercury Retrograde, often a time for people from the past popping up (either literally bumping into them, being contacted, noticing them on social media, someone else mentioning them or memories floating back in) as well as reflection.
Whichever form, it is the perfect time to learn and integrate the lessons that came with these relationships, so that we can transform into the upgraded version of ourselves and attract fulfilling and affirming connections and opportunities.
It is very typical for us in this modern age to feel bad / regret / be disappointed by decisions we made regarding relationships that didn’t go so well.
However, that’s why I want to share this content.
YOU DIDN’T GET IT WRONG!
Any relationship you have / had was MEANT to happen on some level.
I would love for this to help anyone who might be chastising themselves for making poor choices in the past or the present.
The soul does not judge this!
It really is OK, so long as we learn from our experiences and can release the emotions that it dredges up, we can move on and progress.
We cannot avoid life, we cannot learn through reading or theory alone, we must have experiences to learn, it’s all part of the game!
So, let’s forgive ourselves and develop self-compassion along the way. That is key to clearing out the old and making space for the new.
Whilst I am a very practical person in many ways, I cannot deny the wisdom that comes through to me spiritually about these matters (and believe me, I tried to deny it for a very long time and that got me nowhere fast, I cannot run from who I am)!
I am sharing this my way, in the spirit of being authentic and honest and because frankly the method is irrelevant so long as it helps someone!
I am happy to get beyond my old, limited beliefs and risk it for that biscuit! :)
Here’s what I have come to understand, and I hope it can assist you.
Relationships are karmic!
They are fated and based on previous experiences through the law of cause and effect.
They exist for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
There are two flavours!
One is sweet!
These are kindred spirits, your support team! Souls who have incarnated in the same lifetime(s) together and re-connected for supportive and enjoy harmonious relationships.
You feel good when you are together, often life has similar energy cycles for you both, similar pathways and common ground or interests.
The other flavour, is, let’s call it salty…or acidic for want of better words!! :D
These are our challengers.
In many cases, these trickier customers can unwittingly be our greatest teachers.
They may even appear sweet or attractive in the beginning or have some allure (a bit like a Venus fly trap lol!) but then can develop the alternative flavour over time!
They can vary from unpleasant to cataclysmic!
The nature of these relationships being karmic does not in any way justify poor behaviour or mean that you need to remain in them! It’s important to develop discernment and self-respect.
They are likely to represent particular themes you chose to explore in this life, for example; doubt v conviction & confidence, self-compassion over compassion for others (or vice versa), forgiveness and trust issues.
Everyone you know in this life, you have known before!
That’s why you feel drawn to them initially and in some instances, you might look back and question what on earth you were thinking getting involved with them in the first place!
But if you did, you were meant to, and it was a part of your soul path and growth. You didn’t get it wrong.
It is also why we can be instantly drawn to someone, or when we meet someone for the first time, and it feels like we have known them forever!
Or you meet someone who don’t know much about at all, but you instantly get a funny feeling about them.
Some people experience this draw to others to the degree that it’s like being drugged…the love drug in some cases!
You may have had a very similar dynamic with that person in another life which is why you so easily fall into the relationship in this life (the path is already paved so to speak) or you may have such a strong aversion that you dodge them like the plague (lesson completed)!
Often there can be a power dynamic occurring.
If you are not down with past lives, that’s fine, I wasn’t either, but I see so many of them for my clients and myself psychically, that at this stage, it would be a tad ridiculous for me to fight it and again, if it helps someone, then it’s worth it!
In relationships, both souls choose to come together again to see if they can resolve karma from other lives.
In many cases one relationship can have a knock-on effect to several people around them, all of whom are involved in the karmic entanglement and have known each other before. There are sometimes key lessons for the people involved on the periphery.
Both souls have the opportunity to play out their relationship and grow and evolve from the experience.
If they can do this amicably together, without compromising themselves and their integrity (let me just mention that safety is an absolute priority and if anyone is in danger then this changes decisions dramatically) then that is a tremendous achievement.
However, it’s not always the case, nor does it need to be.
In many situations, one person will evolve and outgrow the other. One learns the lesson, heals and goes on to live life at a new level of attraction (if they are destined to grow further, they may have more challengers along the way, that does not mean you are going backwards, it is ultimately designed to help develop even greater strength). Think of that arrow being held tight for maximum alignment!
The person who does not learn any lessons from the experience may be stuck in a cycle of rinse and repeat (frequently accompanied by drama!) on an ongoing basis, and sadly, it might get worse if they refuse to face their shadow. But we all have our own path to walk.
The specific flavour of this eclipse is connected to valuing yourself and self-worth and doing one of the most difficult things for empaths, prioritising yourself!
Typically, empaths have come to this life to learn self-compassion & to develop & acknowledge their self-worth & natural gifts.
They can typically experience relationships with power dynamics where the other person attempts to control or have ‘ownership’ of them.
They may also feel devalued by the other person whether that is simply circumstantial or not deliberate or even subconscious. In some situations, it is intentional manipulation and can be used to make the other person feel superior (they may have an inflated sense of ego which is ironically rooted in insecurity). Both people can have insecurity, but it may be expressed in opposite ways on the inferiority – superiority scale.
Another example of the empath’s journey of empowerment is that they often give more than they can receive or will look after others more than themselves even to the point of depletion.
This pattern can attract gratitude and positivity, but it is also highly attractive to takers.
This can be very subtle through manipulative and gaslighting tactics or more obvious – to quote descriptions like ‘mood hoover’ or ‘energy vampires’ for example!
Now then, let’s look at the absolute GOLD when it comes to transforming yourself and therefore the relationships you attract!
The main purpose alongside taking the learning from relationships is to release the emotions that are triggered!
This is HUGE!
It’s not really about the 3D stuff (although we do live in a physical reality, so it plays a part) but it’s about the deep feelings that are unearthed.
There will be specific emotions and feelings that certain relationships bring up in you, you will be able to name them when you sit with this, and I would suggest doing that. I cannot recommend this enough!
It is so vital to allow these emotions to come up and be released because it is highly likely that they have been suppressed for some time (because they are connected to beliefs we have about ourselves) and the relationship is the catalyst required to trigger them so they can be brought to the surface and dealt with, blessed and released.
Otherwise, they sit in the depths of our subconscious and unconscious and drive our behaviour and decisions for us.
Ultimate compassion and unconditional love are required for healing the wounds within us.
This might sound deep, but it is all part of the human experience and you will be familiar with this if you have some kind of spiritual pathway to walk, especially if you carry a ‘healer’ vibration in your psyche i.e you help people in some way and that’s a part of you rather than a job title.
We may talk about self-love in terms of self-care and doing things for our body etc, and that is wonderful, however, the greatest form of self-love you can allow is to be fully present and providing an unconditionally loving safe space for your deepest emotions.
That is true emotional mastery and if you want to understand how to do that, I can teach you.
Let’s look at some examples of the emotions / feelings or patterns that Challengers can trigger:
Victim mindset – shame – guilt – envy – anger – resentment – inferiority – anxiety – people pleasing – disappointment – insecurity – doubt – betrayal – hurt – making yourself small – denying your own needs – blame to name a few.
These emotions / feelings / patterns are connected to beliefs we have about ourselves, other people or the world at large. When we learn to let go of the feelings / patterns, we are changing our beliefs – powerful stuff!
If beliefs create our reality, then this is vital work.
We choose to have experiences so that we can grow.
Real growth must involve changing our level of consciousness which means altering our level of thinking, feeling and believing.
This is the only way we truly evolve.
We must become a different version of ourselves to attract a different situation or person, because it all comes down to energy.
Remember, if you have had repetitive experiences, you didn’t get it wrong! It’s just that you have a really powerful lesson to learn, and we do find it difficult to change a lot of the time.
We are all radiating attraction waves out like magnets. Our energy is made up of our thoughts, feelings, perception and beliefs, everything we hold in our conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind.
These energy wave attracts those who are a frequency match on some level so that we can play out and explore one of the soul lessons we chose to explore in this life.
As our beliefs create our reality (a concept that is part of the Creator Archetype within Elemental Leadership®) we see our beliefs reflected back to us via another person (they are the mirror) on some level.
This is not designed to cause us pain, it is so that we can see what belief we need to change about ourselves to create different results, it is stretching us and giving us an opportunity to build muscle – strength & resilience!
What we cannot see in ourselves / deny or are not giving to ourselves or owning within ourselves (think love, power, worthiness, leadership, skills, talents, confidence etc) it will be projected onto another person, so we can see the truth by looking in the mirror.
Often people are attracted to certain characters because they will see a quality in them that they haven’t fully owned in themselves yet.
Or they are looking for love in the wrong places. There are nuances with every situation, this is a general blog. When we are looking for another to ‘complete’ us, it can’t really work. People can complement us, but they cannot fill a void.
We really need to become ‘whole’ within and then we can attract people who compliment who we already are, not who fill a gap or something that we cannot find within ourselves. Equally you don’t want to be that for someone else. It doesn’t work.
If you have had a rough time or are having memories that are making you feel down, remember, you didn’t get it wrong!
It’s also perfectly OK (and necessary for a time) to wallow, have a self-pity party and lick wounds, but eventually know that we cannot thrive in that space and there will come a time we wish to choose a higher level of consciousness which does not involve blame, because that makes us a victim.
You may genuinely have been a victim but that is situational, not a personality trait / energy you want to take with you to the future.
No need to rush this process, it is not condoning or justifying other people’s behaviour, it’s just seeing how it can serve you to grow as a person and live a better life.
Let go of the judgement you have for yourself. I can’t mention this enough!
Be kind to yourself, this can help you to access a higher level of consciousness so that you can process and integrate the learning.
Staying stuck in a loop of criticising yourself or wishing it hadn’t happened means you are not at the level of acceptance which is key to change.
We cannot erase the past, but we can learn and grow from it and it can serve us immensely!
Many people who do this work can get to the point of genuine gratitude for the past and recognise how it has shaped them for the better – that is FREEDOM!
The mantra of the Creator Archetype in Elemental Leadership® is that life is happening FOR us not to us.
This is an empowering perspective and not always easy to get onboard with but is transformative.
Remember are not your situation!
We tend to look at the situation we find ourselves in and judge ourselves on that basis, but everything is temporary, and we do have the power to make change. Part of that process is about valuing the relevance of the inner work.
When we care more about how we feel rather than judging how things look, we are winning!
When we take care of our state of thinking, feeling and behaving, we are shifting the energy and creating space for new experiences and for circumstances to change.
The first step is choosing to respond to the same situation differently. Read that again!
If we keep judging and thinking and feeling the same, nothing changes.
If we continue to act without boundaries, then we invite the same invader in different clothing through the gates!
If we secretly expect to be let down, we almost certainly will be.
If we continue to people-please, we will experience inauthentic connections and likely build up resentment and suppressed anger.
If we continue to doubt our decisions, we will feel confused and stuck.
If we continue to project our greatness onto others, we will be disappointed and manipulated by people and enter power dynamics.
If we don’t honour our worthiness, we will attract people who do not value us.
If we feel superior or inferior to anyone else, we will experience imbalanced relationships and move further away from our integrity.
We all have the power within to change and transform and this can be a very exciting experience.
Everything is what we make it, and no ‘negative’ experience needs to dominate our life, we can rise and shine again and we can choose to start afresh whenever we wish.
Get stuck into your thoughts and feelings and behaviour – become your own source of study and observation without judgement.
After all, the relationship we have with ourselves is the most important one because this is the one that affects all others!
I highly recommend journalling for this and / or working with someone like me.
We can make small change from the point of observation and tiny shifts add up.
Change really does start at the level of awareness that’s why self-awareness is a game changer and the foundation of all transformation.
Question: In terms of healing and endings, how do you know when you have no more energetic attachment to that person or their particular vibration…?
Answer: You will have ZERO feelings that come up when you think of them or hear their name!
Regardless of whether a relationship continues or not, healing the way you feel about it alters the course of your future and determines who you attract going forwards.
At the point you have no feeling (and this is not the same as being emotionally numb) then your energy field has fully cleared, and you are no longer a match to that frequency.
It’s almost like it never happened but it’s not denial, that is very different! You have become a new person, born again!
Remember you didn’t get anything wrong!
You are simply prepared to play the game of life and learn along the way.
For some people, certain relationships will lead them onto help others, this may be in a professional capacity where it becomes a catalyst for a new career or a vocation.
Or it may be that you become a voice of wisdom or shoulder someone else needs down the road when they experience the same thing.
You can use what you learn in powerful ways, and it can have a really positive domino effect. Certainly, if you are a parent, you will show your children what healthy relationships look like.
Ready to focus on who you wish to attract?
Here’s a lovely exercise for you:
Write a list of the positive qualities you would value in someone else and that you wish to attract in your personal and professional life (so maybe two lists).
Once you have done that, have a look at the list and explore how many of those traits you consciously embody and recognise them in yourself.
Which ones are obvious?
Which might you need to start expressing more and incorporating into your daily life? The way you think, feel and behave.
That way, you become an energetic match to them.
This is far more powerful than wanting other people to change so that you feel better.
That method does not work, but by becoming more of who you are meant to be and allowing other people to be who they are, will absolutely guide you to the right places and people.
Ready for guided change and a safe space to explore?
Contact me about 121 coaching on 07789911174 or hello@amandagreencoaching.co.uk
If you want to start exploring your thinking style etc to Thrive in 2025, here’s my next Free Workshop coming up: https://www.trybooking.com/uk/ENVT
Keep the faith, Amanda G
You may also be interested in reading my other recent blog 'Can we be both Sensitive & Strong?' link here: https://www.amandagreencoaching.co.uk/post/sensitive-strong
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